Not enought to give
by gypsy8205
Summary: My first rexis fic. Told from Alexis's POV. Continuation of 32305's episode


_"Because you have nothing left to give"_

I flinched as the door slammed behind him.

Ric's statement is all that has been in my head for the past two hours. I can't sleep. I miss him.

I think. That's all I have been doing since he left my room two hours ago. Thinking. I have been doing that a lot lately. Since I found out I was pregnant. I have been thinking about Ric, Kristina and this baby.

What is it that I rally want? There is one simple answer to that question. Ric. God how is it that this man can get under my skin so. He is an infuriating man. So why do I want him to walk through that door right now?

Seeing him talking to Elizabeth about children after he left my room, prompted my thinking about this.

_"You ever get the feeling that you want to, I don't know, protect his safety, even to the point of smothering him?"_

I'm not smothering her, I am protecting my daughter from her mob king pin father. I'm not being unreasonable, she was abducted from his home not two months ago, and I am overprotective. I just wanted her home with Ric, away from all the guns and bodyguards. And Carly.

Calm down, all this stress and worrying is not good for you or the baby. The baby. My thoughts seem to keep coming back to Ric and this baby, and Kristina. My family. I never thought I wanted a family and then I had Kristina. And then Ric. Although he may have had an agenda at first, but I do believe that all that changed sometime between when he first started pursuing me and Kristina's illness. I know he hasn't actually said he loves me, but I truly believe he does and will tell me in time.

My hand moved to the heart necklace around my neck.

_"You gave me a baby, so I figured I owed you my heart."_

I have his heart, and he has mine. Although he doesn't know that yet.

Tears were now falling from my eyes. I love Ric Lansing. I Alexis Davis had fallen in love…again. God why was it so hard for me to express my feelings?

"Alexis, are you ok?"

You know, sometimes I wish she would just mind her own business.

"Umm… I'm not sure. I am just a mess. I don't know what I want or feel right now"

"Do you need someone to talk to?"

"No. Thank you Elizabeth" But I will take under consideration."

A few moments later, right before she was to walk out of my room, I called her back.

"Elizabeth, wait. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"I saw you taking to Ric earlier…"

"Ric and I are just friends. He was just helping me with Cameron…."

"Please let me finish. When Ric asked you about being protective of Cameron's safety, and being smothering, do you think he was referring to me and Kristina?"

"Alexis, I don't presume to know why Ric says the things he says the things he says or what the meaning may have been."

"Elizabeth, you were married to him. Don't tell me you don't know what he meant."

"Alexis, I don't know, I haven't been with Ric in over a year."

I gave her a look. Not a bad one.

"Ok, ok. I suppose Ric could have meant your actions towards Kristina."

"Do you think I'm smothering her?"

"You and Ric and Kristina have been through a lot in the past few months with her illness, the custody battle, her kidnapping, everything, so given the circumstances, no I don't think so."

"Thank you Elizabeth."

"You're welcome."

My hand once again went to my necklace, Elizabeth noticed.

"You know Alexis, Ric really cares for you."

"I know."

"Maybe more than you realize. Don't make the same mistake I made and let him slip away. I can see in your eyes when you see him or say his name, or even hear his name. You may not realize it yet but you love him and he loves you."

"I know, he said so earlier when they first brought me in form the accident. He doesn't know I heard him."

"You need to tell him how you feel before it's too late. Think about it Alexis. I'll check on you later."

And with that I was left to think some more.

Was it that obvious how I felt about Ric that his ex-wife was giving me advice? It's four am. I need to sleep, but how can I do that with out my husband.

I need to talk to him. I hope you're home.

"Hello."

"Ric, I need you to come to the hospital."

"What are wrong Alexis?"

"Please just come here, it's really important."

"Ok, I'll be there."

I hung up the phone. He will be here in 10 minutes. What am I going to say to him? Maybe I should take a page out of my sister Kristina's book and just blurt it out.

Ten minutes later Ric came through the door.

"Alexis, what was so important that I had to rush over here at 4 in the morning?"

"I was thinking about what you said earlier. So much that my head hurts."

"Its 4 am, you should be sleeping."

"I know. I just couldn't stop thinking about you, me, Kristina and this baby. And how much you mean to me. I…I … was lost, unsure of my life and the direction it was going and then you planted yourself into my life. And you made me need you, and now I couldn't see my life without you in it."

I could see that Ric wanted to say something, but I cut him off.

"Now before you say anything, I still have some more to say to you. This isn't easy for me so bear with me."

"You Ric Lansing are the most ego driven man I have ever meet. You inserted yourself in mine and my daughter's life for some reason. I was suspicious of you at first but somewhere along the line, I had grown to care about you. Then Kristina got sick and you were there for me when I need you most. Then we got married, Kristina got better and my life was starting to turn around."

I couldn't keep the tears from falling down my face.

"Alexis, don't do this to yourself."

"Ric, I have too. I will not be able to go on with you without getting all this out. So just listen, please?"

"Ok."

"Then I discovered that you lied to me, that hurt Ric, that really hurt. I know you said you were sorry, but I didn't believe you. We never had a chance to talk about everything that happened because Kristina was kidnapped. So we just seemed to go back to where we were before."

"And then… then I found out I was pregnant. I wanted so much to be happy about it. But I couldn't. Finally when Kristina came back, he had to deal with Michael's death. Life seemed to be getting back to normal when this accident happened. I know you think that I didn't hear you, but I did. I heard you, I heard everything. I know you love me."

"I do."

"This is hard for me because this is a new concept for me. This unconditional love. Because when I was with Ned, there were always conditions attached. With you there are none. You accepted me for who I am and push me to realize things that I am afraid to admit to myself."

Once again, my hand goes to my necklace. Ric now sitting at the end of my bed. I wiped the tears form my eyes. I take Ric's hands in mine.

"Ric, I know how you feel about me. So it is only fair that you know how I feel about you. I know it seemed like I was cold and callus earlier, and I am truly sorry about that. I am only concerned about my daughter. When you said that me and the baby being alright had to be enough because I have nothing left to give, I was, I felt the same way I did when I found out that you had lied to me that you knew sonny was Kristina's father. I went to go after you, but you were talking to Elizabeth. It was in that moment I realized what I did to you this evening by running to sonny's house."

"I'm sorry."

"Alexis…"

He moved up on the bed and we just held each other for a few moments. I didn't want to let him go. I wanted him to stay here forever. I know we will always have our problems, but I hope this is a step in the right direction.

"Alexis, you need to let go or we will never be able to go to sleep."

"Are you going to stay with me?"

"If that is what you want."

So he crawled into bed with me. After a few minutes of us lying there, Ric spoke.

"So you know how I feel about you, you still haven't told me how you feel about me."

"Didn't I make myself clear?"

"I want…I need you to say it."

"I don't know if I can sum what I feel for you in three words."

"I. love. You. It's not that hard to say really."

"I… I… I… can't say that I love you, it's just too…. I said it didn't i?"

"Yeah, you did. It sounded good. I love you Alexis Davis."

"Lansing. Alexis Lansing."

I kissed him. So there I said it, and the world didn't end.


End file.
